Divorce and Children – How to Rebuild Your Life
Who do you think is the most important person to consider when going through a divorce? Your child, of course.
You would not want any unnecessary conflict during this difficult time. Therefore, you need to make sure you communicate well with your ex.
This will ensure there are no surprises due to “getting your wires crossed” (such as concerning new girlfriends or boyfriends).
Also, you will want to give lots of attention to your child; this should be from both parents. This assures that the child is content in the knowledge that you love them. Perhaps plan some special outings together.
Due care must be taken, in order to ensure that your child will not be caught in the line of fire. Take appropriate steps to secure this. I have a suggestion to make – there are a couple of good books on the topic.
These books serve as a guide and can assist your family in dealing with a challenging time. If you can all have the proper perspective during this experience, you can all grow and your child can become an even stronger person.
Additionally, you have to keep a strict eye on the kids, in the beginning. Probably best not to let the kids go on trips out of town – at least not until you can gauge how they’re doing. And of course, as the parent, you need to employ certain strategies – a lot of reassuring is in order, so that the
kids self esteem
is not adversely affected.
It may become necessary to seek counseling for your youngsters. Sometimes, it’s easier to open up to strangers; your kids may open up to a professional and reveal challenges or problems they’re experiencing. They may be able to explore the feelings of rejection, sadness, guilt or depression. There are various approaches to therapy the counselor can invoke; role playing, group therapy, etc.
If you’ve a teen, he or she may use drinking as a coping mechanism. Best to address this sooner, rather than later.
For a very young child, it may be difficult for him or her to express feelings; the child may become withdrawn. A book that has been highly rated by all is “Child Friendly Divorce” (Your Child and Divorce) written by a lady with a Masters who is a Marriage & Family” counselor. She also gives classes to educate parents; it is filled to capacity routinely.
You will want to ask questions and explore their state of mind. Better not to let things fester; just get it out in the open. You should make it apparent that whatever they are feeling is fine – truly acceptable.
In the end, this will help them adjust and get their fears expressed.
Just be honest about everything (Both you and your spouse must do this). Set the children down and have a chat. Do this early on, to establish the lines of communication between all involved.
Try not to argue with your ex in front of the kids. And have a pow-wow with your ex to discuss the kids, and to make certain there will be no verbal attacks on each other – i.e., when one of you is alone with the kids.
Finally, do make sure that the children are keeping a close relationship with both sides of the family – as long as it is a healthy relationship. After all, you want your child to feel secure – so maintain as much of their routine as you can.
If at all possible, keep them in their same school. You do not want to take everything away from them because this can have a very adverse effect.
Keep things “as simple” for the kids as possible.
Resource List:
“Two Homes” a book Rated 5.0 out of 5.0 Stars, by Claire Masurel
“It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear” – a Picture Book for Preschoolers:
Pre-schoolers Need Help in Coping
(Quote from Review Page: “Indispensable Book for Younger Children” – See More HERE )
Further Readings:
Is it Time For a Family Pet: Choosing the Right Dog
Stopping Divorce: Saving Your Relationship
