How Divorce Affects Children – Things to Consider

Many people who are good parents do not handle an impending divorce, nor its aftermath, well.  In fact, some parents become out of touch with their children.  This is not good, for how divorce affects children is something a a divorcing parent should contemplate.

Effects of Divorce on Children: Life Can Go On

Kids need to realize that life can go on — you need to talk to them, and share your feelings. If you do not quite know how to broach the subject, the book, “Juggling Act: Handling Divorce Without Dropping the Ball: A Survival Kit for Parents and Kids” and comes with a kit that contains a calendar and special stickers. The stickers are really for the children. They are “mom” stickers & “dad” stickers — to help your child see exactly when they’ll stay with mom, or when they’ll be with dad.

It is an expensive kit — yet some reviewers at amazon have reported stellar results. So you decide if you’d like to go that route, or maybe something else — like therapy.

Divorce Books

First of all, there’s  a good divorce book to assist the parent called, “Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Making Two Homes for Your Child” (Rated 5 Stars @AMZN).  It speaks of a “Parent Agreement” (which is probably a good idea), and of certain specific terminology to use in front of your kids during this transition.

Some families’ divorces are harder on kids — i.e., it depends on the family’s chemistry and how much may have been hidden by the parents. When there are toddlers involved, parents may tend to hide the truth.

Toddlers and Divorce

There is a comprehensive book to put you in touch with your feelings, and those of your toddler or young child. It’s called “Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way”;  35 people of 41 gave it 5 stars over at amazon.com.  Four gave it 4 stars.

This book on toddlers and divorce will make you more aware of your child’s perspective.  It will shine a light into their tender hearts (and viewpoint), and help you feel the hurt they feel.  You need this in order to see them through this challenging situation.

Effect of Divorce

Though you may feel guilty as you read, it is important that you do not hide from this. The effect of divorce on youngsters is unavoidable, and is a life altering experience for them; there’s no getting around it.  If you cope with this and spend a lot of time talking to your children, then it should help. There will be less chance for them to act out.

Another good book (for toddlers or very young) is “I Don’t Want to Talk about It”.  It helps children understand what is happening to them — it has pictures and aids kids because it speaks to them on their level.

Sometimes kids can become self-destructive, as they feel that this situation is “their fault”. They get bad grades, become disrespectful, make bad choices.  So do the best you can.  At least, your kids will see that you’re trying.

Reflection:  How Does Divorce Affect Children?

And if you are in a bad mood from work, take a bit of time to decompress before having the heart to heart talk. You need to be in control, and your children need to see you being in control!

The best advice, I think, is to realize that each of  your children is a unique (and separate) individual.  Be careful  to speak to each of them individually. Divorce is not “one size fits all”.

More Resources:

1) Teens and Divorce:  The Divorce Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You ..

2) Divorce Help Book for Teens by Cynthia MacGregor  (An Amazon Book)

3) Ehow.com Article – How Does Divorce Affect Children

4) PDF from Authority Site –  University of New Hampshire: Effects of Divorce on Children

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